A Modern Mary Poppins

It takes a village,” Deborah Carroll says of raising children, borrowing from Hillary Clinton. “Never were truer words said. I’d love to see the village brought back.”

When it comes to raising happy, fulfilled children who become happy, fulfilled adults, Carroll’s opinion counts. With 25 years of nannying to her credit, the modern-day Mary Poppins knows a thing or two about what makes a child tick and what keeps families calm and cohesive—and she understands the importance of both. “Children are absolutely our future,” says the Welsh-born Carroll, who imported her brand of childrearing to the United States ten years ago. “There is an intense responsibility to raise children with values and a belief system. You turn on the television and things are
being thrown down their throats. They are exposed to so much more by media and electronic devices; they’ve become more aggressive and materialistic. It’s hard to instill values these days, but teaching children values is important. They need to take responsibility for their own actions and for the planet, too.”

For her part, Carroll seems to be trying to help take responsibility for all the children of the world. Her decision to star on Nanny 911 had nothing to do with a career move (if anything, she says, business has dropped off, as parents are concerned about her high profile); instead, it was based on the belief that she would be able to help many more people than she would be able to reach without the benefit of television.

Without fail, that has proven true. Most of her philosophies are simple—“Positive behavior should be rewarded,” she says diplomatically. “Negative behavior should be disregarded. If you focus largely on positive behavior, you get more and more positive results”—and should be possible (though not necessarily easy) to cultivate in your own home. And her efforts to create harmonious environments filled with love and nurturing—both onscreen and off—are surely helping to elevate the lives of children everywhere.

It’s something she was born with. “I went to the doctor at age 12 and observed all the nannies in the waiting room,” she recalls. “I decided I had found my passion in life and that was what I was going to do—much to the dismay of everyone around me. But I was determined.”

Today, at 46, she has been a nanny to more than 60 children in the United States and overseas, and she has helped countless parents regain control of their children through Nanny 911. If anyone can stake a claim as an authority on children, it’s Nanny Deb. Herewith, the wit and wisdom of Deborah Carroll.

On over-scheduling: “It’s really hard to balance it all,” Carroll acknowledges. “Kids have become so busy. Parents
have them so scheduled: dance on Monday, soccer Tuesday ... We’ve lost sense of coming home from school and having dinner. Parents eat dinner in the car. We’re always rushing, rushing, rushing. The more chaos you bring in, the crazier it gets. You have to make time for yourself and for your family.”

On getting “plugged in”: “You don’t automatically have the right to watch TV and use the X-box or go on the computer,” Carroll explains to kids. “You have to earn those privileges. If you’re lucky enough to have them in the house, you have to earn them to use them.” But parents are also to blame. “Parents are sitting there thinking, I can’t take it away from them,” she says. “You can! You have to be consistent and make a plan.”

On responsibility: Carroll minces no words; she’s concerned about the future of the world. “Children will not have a work ethic,” she says. “They’re not doing paper routes or babysitting, because parents are giving them everything. We’re not going to have a workforce. It’s going to be a really big shock.” The solution? “Instill work ethic as early as possible,” she insists. “At first, you’re going to get resistance. But have a family meeting. Outline the rules: ‘This is the reward for this behavior, these are the consequences; these are the things I expect you to do.’ Children can begin contributing to the family before two years old. They start to really enjoy it. It’s
a bonding experience, siblings doing chores together.”

On chores: “We go to work and get a paycheck,” she says. “We put them to work; what do they get? Start very young with chores, and for their chores they get a reward—something as simple as a sticker; something that doesn’t cost anything. If you have five stickers, you get to go to the park. Ten stickers, you get to go for ice cream.”

On the return to family dinners: “I adamantly believe in family dinner,” she says. “I absolutely get it that parents are busy and can’t cook dinner, but even if it’s just one night a week, the rewards are great. That’s when kids talk. It’s fantastic conversation—you’re finding out all these things that you didn’t know were going on.”

On food issues: “I tell kids to try one bite: ‘If you don’t like it, I won’t force you to eat it.’ I’m not going to get into a battle over food. I’m not going to have a kid with eating disorders. When parents complain that their child doesn’t eat anything, I tell them to write a food journal—record every bite. I guarantee you she’s eating enough.”

On teaching emotion: “This starts when they’re little,” she says. “They’re never too young to start. Be empathetic yourself. Ask them questions: ‘How do you think that person felt?’ Talk without judgment.”

On consistency: “Set a routine, and be consistent,” Carroll warns. “Before you start a battle, think about if you can finish it. If you end up giving in, you’ve opened the gate to another ten conversations about the same thing. Pick and choose your battles. And don’t sweat the small stuff.”

Ages & Stages

Every stage of a child’s life brings its own unique set of circumstances, and critical issues present themselves early on. Nanny Deb addresses common concerns associated with the first few stages of life.

• Infants: Z’s are key
  "You need to get your child to sleep through the night as soon as you can," says Carroll. "That’s one of the things I work on with new mothers. The truth of the matter is that if you don't get enough sleep, you’re not able to function and take care of your children. Let's get the baby sleeping as much as possible so you can get to sleep."


• Toddlers: Nobody needs to tell you about the Terrible Twos
  Tantrums become an issue as toddlers begin to assert their will. "Don’t be afraid to set boundaries and teach right from wrong," says Carroll. "You need to set precedents when you’re dealing with toddlers; they’re very smart little creatures."


• Preschoolers: Learning a few lessons
  "When you send your children to school, you’re subjecting them to other people’s parenting,” says Carroll. "This can be tricky to navigate. You’re responsible for teaching children that other people’s rules can be different from yours. Get them to a place where it's okay that everyone’s rules are not always the same."


• School-age kids: Be prepared for peer pressure
  "Peer pressure starts in kindergarten," Carroll cautions. "Be aware of other children encouraging your child to behave in a way that you would not deem appropriate, and be prepared to address those issues."