Back to School...With a Smile
Does the start of a new school year fill your home with more uncertainty than excitement? It’s possible to navigate common back-to-school pitfalls with ease.

By Stacey Stapleton

When months of backyard barbecues, family gatherings, and long days at camp and at the beach filled the family calendar, it was easy to toss aside your family’s schedule and even relax the rules. But now that autumn’s unofficial bells are ringing, it’s time to get back into school mode. “First and foremost, get everyone back on a normal sleeping schedule,” suggests Lisa Ciarrocca, certified child life specialist and manager of the child life program at Goryeb Children’s Hospital. “Aim for youngsters to get between 10 and 12 hours of rest each night, depending on their age.” Of course if your kids have gotten used to staying up until 9 o’clock, 10 o’clock, or even later, don’t expect this to change overnight. Immediately start moving up everyone’s bedtime by 15 or 20 minutes every few days until bedtime schedules have returned to normal.

“It’s also important to get your kids moving again after vegging-out on the sofa or by the pool for months,” says Ciarrocca, “especially if they’re usually physically active at school.” She suggests buying each member of your family a pedometer. “Once everyone is geared up, start a competition to see who can walk the most each day,” she says. Not even the biggest couch potato can resist besting Dad at a little healthy competition.

Sticking to a well-balanced diet is essential for young, expanding minds, so now is the time to reintroduce healthy breakfasts. “It’s been proven over and over that kids who eat breakfast do better throughout the day and learn more effectively,” says Ciarrocca. What to do about a staunch breakfast protester? Ciarrocca recommends piquing your child’s interest by adding surprising but healthy foods to the morning menu. “Try offering your child a yogurt smoothie, cheese stick, grilled cheese, a whole-grain cereal bar, or some peanut butter or nuts if they’re not allergic,” she explains. “The main idea is to get them eating something that’s a good source of protein, which will keep their energy up longer than traditional breakfast carbs like waffles or toast.” If you encounter a little resistance to this sudden switch, you may need to do some compromising. “If your child insists on their waffle, agree to serve it—if they also eat the cheese stick or drink the smoothie,” suggests Ciarrocca.

Remember that a child’s emotional state is just as important as his or her physical health. “A new school year can be fraught with anxiety,” says Ciarrocca. “The teachers are new, the schedule is new, and for kindergarten and middle-school kids, the entire environment may be new. It’s important to get kids talking about their expectations and fears.” Ciarrocca advises finding a quiet time to chat about the new school year, especially if you have a little one separating for the first time. For older children, Ciarrocca suggests helping them make a list of things they will need for school (sneakers, notebooks, a backpack, etc.) and then going with them to purchase the items. “Kids are visual,” she says, “so being able to check off a to-do list often makes them feel more in control.”

Tummy Troubles

The anxiety stirred up by a new school year can manifest itself in physical side effects. For example, many parents report their children suddenly coming down with belly pain on the first day of school, or for several weeks thereafter. “As long as there are no red-flag symptoms like weight loss, fever, or bloody diarrhea, it’s probably a nervous stomach,” explains Joel Rosh, MD, director of pediatric gastroenterology at the Goryeb Children’s Center at Overlook Hospital. “In fact, there are more nerves in the gastrointestinal tract than there are in the central nervous system. When we’re stressed, our stomach and intestines feel the affects first.”

If your child begins complaining of an upset stomach (and none of the red-flag symptoms exist), Rosh suggests taking a moment to consider the source. Does the discomfort always start at bedtime, or does it set in right before the school bus comes or on days when your youngster is very tightly scheduled? If so, don’t add to your child’s stress by not taking the problem seriously. “Unfortunately, a nervous stomach is not as widely accepted a sign of stress as a headache, but kids don’t make this up,” he says. “A nervous stomach is also far more common than many parents realize, striking about one in four school-age children.” If you suspect a nervous stomach, talk to your child. Ask if he’s feeling anxious about the new school year, or if something or someone is bothering him. Ask if he needs some homework help now that he’s tackling tougher subjects. And assure your child that his issues and fears are not silly, and that if he shares them with you, you’ll do everything you can to help. Although it may be tempting to alter your child’s diet, Rosh explains that this kind of overreacting isn’t necessary. “Now more than ever, it’s important to maintain a healthy, balanced, and consistent diet,” he says. Most cases of nervous stomach eventually subside as kids become accustomed to their new situations, but if the condition persists, consult your pediatrician.

Of course, even if your family escapes nervous tummies, you are likely at some point this school year to face dreaded stomach viruses. If your child develops one, keep him home from school and watch him closely. “In many cases the vomiting subsides in 24 to 48 hours,” Rosh says, “but if it continues beyond that, give your pediatrician a call.” Remember too that when it comes to germs, the best defense is a good offense. Says Rosh, “The best way to protect your child—and keep stomach bugs out of your house—is diligent hand washing.”

Besting Bullies

If you were ever teased at school, you probably remember it. Unfortunately, bullying is still a fact of life—and it’s on the rise. A recent study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association reported that 30 percent of children between the ages of 11 and 15 have either been the target of a bully or have been a perpetrator; the problem seems to peak in middle school. What’s worse is that 56 percent of students admitted to witnessing bullying at school and every day, and 160,000 kids miss school due to intimidation by bullies.

Bullying has become such a serious problem that the New Jersey state legislature recently created the New Jersey Commission on Bullying in Schools to educate the public and strengthen New Jersey schools’ approach to bullying. But the real solution, says psychologist Rosalind Dorlen, PhD, a member of the allied professional staff at Overlook Hospital, starts with parents and school administrators. To protect your kids, it’s important to understand why and how bullying happens and how to deal with it effectively.

Bullying takes on many forms, from direct physical or verbal abuse to more subversive methods like social exclusion, threats, the spreading of false rumors, or extortion for money or property. Although no form of bullying is gender-specific, boys tend to bully their peers more directly while girls often choose more indirect or psychological means. Dorlen, who has lectured extensively on the topic, advises that the best way to start understanding and dealing with bullying is to dispel many of the myths surrounding it.

Myth: Bullying is a normal childhood phase.
Reality: Bullying is not normal childhood behavior and in some cases the perpetrator may need just as much emotional help and support as the target.

Myth: If you report a bully, the problem will only get worse.
Reality: “Research shows that when adults and peers intervene, bullying actually tends to subside,” says Dorlen.

Myth: Hit a bully back and he’ll stop.
Reality: “Responding to violence with more violence usually just exacerbates the problem,” says Dorlen, “and puts your child at greater risk for serious injury.”

Myth: Some kids are just born bullies.
Reality: “Bullying is a learned behavior and behavior can be changed,” assures Dorlen. “That’s why schools need to address bullying at the grassroots level, as part of the curriculum with teaching sessions and role-playing exercises.” She adds that it’s important for schools to empower kids not to be silent bystanders when they witness bullying.

Myth: Being bullied toughens a kid up.
Reality: Being the target of a bully can permanently destroy a child’s self-esteem, have a negative affect on future relationships, and even result in violence against themselves or others.

Myth: Bullying is just a school problem.
Reality: Bullying happens everywhere—at school, camp, the mall, and increasingly online (for more on Internet threats, see “Safe Surfing,” below). What’s more, research shows that bullying can easily become a societal problem, with 60 percent of boys identified as bullies in middle school going on to have at least one criminal conviction by age 24.

So what can parents do to protect their children? The good news is many of the things you probably already do for your kids can significantly minimize their chances of being bullied.

• “Start by encouraging your child to get involved in social groups such as sports teams, the arts, whatever their interests are,” Dorlen says. “Help them develop social skills by encouraging friendships, since an isolated child is a much more likely target.”


• Perpetrators almost always choose a target that appears weak, so teach your children about courageousness and assertiveness so they can stand up for themselves if necessary.


• Don’t model bullying behavior at home and in your own social interactions.


• Talk about bullying with your children before it becomes an issue. Tell them not to be silent bystanders if they witness bullying, but to speak up if it’s safe to do so or alert a school official.


• Provide positive feedback when your child behaves in a confident or compassionate manner.


• Set clear guidelines on Internet use and text messaging (remember: you’re paying the bill, so you’re in charge). Get educated about new technologies and social-media sites, like Facebook and Twitter.


• Be aware of your child’s moods and monitor their ever-changing friendships. “Talk to your child if you notice they are bruised, not eating or sleeping normally, not enjoying their regular activities, or start avoiding the bus, school or camp,” Dorlen says.

If, in spite of your best efforts, your child still becomes a target of a bully, the way you handle the situation can go a long way in helping your child cope.

• “First tell your child that you believe him and that it’s not his fault,” says Dorlen, “and don’t minimize the situation by telling him to ‘just ignore it.’ ” Assure your child that he is not alone, that many people are targets of bullying, and that you will do everything you can to help.


• Praise your child for being brave enough to come to you (since targets are often scared and humiliated) and stress that reporting abuse is not tattling.


• If the bullying is happening online or via text messages, instruct your child not to respond. Instead, he should show you immediately when it occurs.


• Strategize with your child about how they can get off a perpetrator’s radar. “You can’t ignore a bully,” says Dorlen, “but sometimes overreacting can make things worse as well.” If the bully wants a certain item like an iPod or handheld video game, stop bringing that item to school.


• Notify school officials and find out what kind of plan they have to combat bullying. Remember that as angry as you may be, punishing the perpetrator or confronting his or her parents rarely does any good.
  

Safe Surfing

Staying safe online isn’t just about coping with bullies. There are so many potential hazards—from strangers in chat rooms to identity theft—that cyberspace can seem overwhelming at times. That’s why The Junior League of Summit has partnered with i-SAFE (an international non-profit that promotes cybersafety) to educate kids, parents, teachers, and school administrators about staying safe online while enjoying all the opportunities of the World Wide Web.

Through its partnerships with local schools, the Junior League has recommended that i-SAFE be woven into the daily curriculum. Students studying language arts, for example, can have discussions on such issues as plagiarism, or teachers can cover topics like cyber-bullying and cyber-predators in a health or ethics class. One of the program’s most heralded components is its online training session for parents, who are often the last to know what their kids are up to online. For more information on such topics as cyber communities, online personal safety, cyber security, cyber predator identification, and intellectual property, visit the i-Parent section at www.isafe.com.